Dear T,

The ups and downs or in and out of reality feelings are so ****ing hard. I'm sorry I'm such a mess. I'm sorry that it's like I get a moment of clarity and then I can't hold onto it after all. I'm sorry if I make you feel ineffective.

Sometimes I really want to be in your office. Even if alone. Just to sit in the chair or curl up in a ball on the floor. Even had a thought where I'm under your desk like a child hiding....I know it's ****ing weird....I just need a respite. If you would let me be with you for a minute and just say nothing but comfort me, I'd be ok. You say you want to hear about all of my feelings - everything and anything. All are welcome in your room. I just don't know but I believe you mean well. You're too nice, T. I don't deserve you. I think that's why I'm so scared you are going to make me go away soon.