Hi,
I am 31 years old male ..I am facing biggest dilemma of my life and here's my story
Throughout my childhood I have been affected by a gender disorder
during childhood I used to feel that my father liked my brother more than me and he favors him
I was healthy weighty child and often got teased
In the childhood,age of 10-12 ,when asked for photography I used to get photographed in female attires rather than boy's [it happened twice but i promptly selected girl's attire when asked ]Normal at home I wear boy's clothes ....I would like to spend time with home ladies rather than males.. and not very interested in sports...

Slowly when I grew older[13-14 years] I started liking men..like I used to specifically notice guys chest ,chest hairs rather than attraction to girls ..I started felt attractions once i see any handsome guy or manly guy and would feel attracted to spend time..By this time I had erections but I never felt attracted to boobs or vagina etc .. I did not masturbate .till then in school I used to very shy,obedient child and would not like guys talking about girls or sex .I simple thought it was not good and bad things
during the nights i used to have erection or just wake up and notice my brother's boxers etc
till that time i didn't have any idea that something abnormal is happening.neither my parents noticed anything..

Then at the age of 18 ,I entered college hostel, and it was first time I was living with so many boys
having lunch,studying and i used to smile at the guys whom I find attractive [ natural attraction ,not deliberate ]. guys used to talk about girls ,i shyed and never asked girls for coffee or attraction.. I started growing overweight too.STrangely my voice was not so deepened as my brother and people used to say that my voice appears like of female when i talk on phone..
i used to share room with 2 other guys and i felt attracted to one fair skin,manly guys.would love to smell his vests,liked the odour [armpits ], in the night i used to touch there erected penis..
he also did not stop me, he never removed his briefs but did not stop me kissing his chest..i felt attracted to him ..we were friends and i started getting possessive with him like if he did not answer my phone or messages i used to get angry or messaging like GOOD morning,good night and expect responses etc
In college boys used to talk about some girly features in my nature like laughing in style or some gestures ..I liked girl songs but not dresses and not had friendship with girls
Through my life i get attracted to guys but never felt feelings like getting ****ed in *** or anything
I just had liking and fantasied and masturbated often ..
At age of 22 ,i used to feel i was different, then i used to be sad and think a lot and often be in depression
It affected my confidence in personal and professional life .My career went unstable and i loose interest often .. i got so engrossed in career building or thinking of education than other things become least important ..
I used to get attracted to males like features,hairs etc .I was not motivated to sports,body building etc .and have very low confidence
sometimes i feel attracted to girls talking with them but never asked for dates or coffee..

Its now age of 31 .I am not very confident as I sometimes feel that I am not so manly or dominant
I get erect by talking to handsome guys ..I never tried to be close to females and check if i get erect or not
I never had sex with guy too.I registered on gay website but realized that I am not like that and dont have feeling of getting *** ****

I am confused in even small things in my life and have low confidence,poor decision making whcih further affects my life .
I am asked to marry a girl .i never explained this to my parents .they are emotional ,they are hard working and done so much for me...
i just told that i am not attracted to girls .they say that if guy doesn't have sexual problems he can get a good life with a girl ..

so what am I ?
Can i get over from depression or low confidence ever ?
can i get married to a girl ,have good sexual and family life..
I can get erect but will my wife consider me less masculine ..
can i be confident ,good decision maker
I dont want unstability in my life or parents or unnecessary confuse people around me
PLZ HELP ME SUGGEST ME ..CAN I BE NORMAL AND IN POSITION to unhide myself and be confident

also even in my normal friendship with guys i get possessive or move emotionally
I wanna be normal ..