Mickey, I appreciate your thorough and thoughtful response. I am rapid-cycling, so I can be very functional [or at least appear that way] for a day, and then have a few days of roller-coaster madness.

I worked for myself all those yeas [15 total] because I really can't be an employee with much success. As a self-employed person I would work super hard and fast when I was up, and then disappear or lock myself in the office bathroom and cry when I was just melting down. Somehow I don't think I can pull that off teaching. It is hard to go from a profession to disability. Especially a "hidden" disability. I keep getting "Why would you even consider leaving the law?"

My new psych nurse practitioner just said that he hadn't read my entire file [an epic novel full of sorrow, triumph, and tragedy] and we had just met. His 'working diagnosis' seemed to be bipolar, as he drew me a diagram and spent 20 minutes explaining the diagnosis to me. My PCP said "bipolar 1."

Just as background, I have gotten so bad that I pulled a knife on a room full of police officers, and rammed my driver's license into the mouth of a cop, all while practicing law. That was in 1998. Somehow I rehabilitated myself to sit on the board of directors of many prestigious statewide organizations. Like I said, I'm a good actress. But I've been going downhill again these past two years, and this past year the ball has started to roll faster and faster. As an example, I am not taking care of hygiene as I should. Not good.

At the end of the day, I think I am exhausted from keeping up the "I'm fine!!!!" facade. And the up and down is too unpredictable [can we schedule mania for this Friday?] to count on where I will be each morning.

Do you know whether I have to have not worked AT ALL to qualify [my area of law is NOT disability] or can I try to do a few shifts here and there. I've been working less and less for two years until I just stopped in November of last year. But I am broke.

I'm sorry this is so long. I appreciate you!
Sandra