Open eyes

I hear everything, the electricity running through the walls, everything. My hearing is super sensitive. The only time I felt relief was when I was deaf for 3 days.

When I walk in someone's house I can hear if a tv is on anywhere. There's a subtle noise phones make before we hear them ring. It's hard to describe, but I hear it all. And yet when I'm around ppl my brain tunes everyone out unless someone is speaking directly to me.

I have family members related to my father who said they knew of some of what was going on but they didn't want to disrupt the family dynamic. They allowed my torture and hell to go on and they did absolutely nothing. They could have saved me but instead they allowed it to go on.

Now I am a broken person. I can't cry. I can't love. I feel no guilt. And every night I dream of their demise. I feel the rush I will have. The freedom, no loss to me. How can u lose anything once you've lost everything? What if u had nothing left to lose but ur life?

I don't feel fear all I feel is anger and the adrenaline the comes with my dreams. It comes in my waking hours as well. All I have to do is think about it. Sometimes I don't have to think I just see it.