Hi ishiru: First off... no you're not weird! And one of the really great things that you have going for you is your age! You have plenty of time to figure out if you are transsexual or not. You mention that you don't think you would want surgery. Well, not every trans person has surgery. Each trans person has to figure out what is right for her / him. But, also, it's possible that your thoughts about this may change over time. You have allot of years ahead of you yet! This also applies to your statement that your family wouldn't allow you to transition. This may be true now. But sooner or later, you'll be independent & you can choose how you want to live.

Right now, what is important is to begin to figure out if you really are transsexual or not. (If you are, it won't go away. If you're really trans, you're trans for life.) And to figure this out, you need a competent therapist who is experienced in working with clients who are trans. A therapist who is not experienced can do more harm than good! As I recall, your profile says you live in Indonesia. I don't know what's available to you there in terms of therapy services there. If therapy services are just not available, or you can't afford them, then there are some other things you can do. I'd be glad to communicate more with you about all of this if it would be helpful to you. Just let me know. My very best wishes to you!