I think I understand somewhat. I just messed with my meds too. I was trying to take the latuda every other day. I did that for like a week. Then once some of it was out of my system I got the paranoia and depression back. I'm back to taking it every day but it's gonna be awhile until I get the full effects.

I know a lot of people don't understand why I mess with my meds. But it's bc with all the mania gone I get really bored easily on the meds. And it feels like my creativity goes down. But....I'm just gonna have to deal with it bc for me I hate the paranoia so much. So it's a trade off I'm willing to take.

I know it's hard newtus. I'm sorry u have to deal with it too. Yours is probably more intense paranoia than mine. But I think I can relate.

I'm just telling myself for now I need to be on the ap. Just one day at a time.