I had a fairly serious depressive episode in junior high but I didn't know what it was so I figured that's just how it is. In fact, I didn't even think anything was wrong until I proudly told my sister that instead of getting angry I just get tired. And combined with my behavior she stared at me for a long while and said that it was a symptom of depression.

I didn't actually get a diagnosis until last year because of a major depressive episode triggered by a bad roommate. And I didn't even realize what was happening until I was talking to a close family friend and he said I should go in to counseling services at my university because I probably have depression. And by then it had gotten to the point that I hadn't gone to classes all week and was basically a bump on a log. But yeah, I never really did spend a lot of time in my head in the first place so I didn't really realize that was not the way it was supposed to be until I was told otherwise.

My family friend (who is bipolar) was really helpful and has been very supportive (maybe too supportive lol) in helping set up appointments, get to class, make sure I'm well fed, etc which is good because I really didn't want my mom to know anything was wrong. In the end though of course I had to tell her something was up and so that was a really difficult conversation to have but in the end she even though she doesn't really get it all that much she has been researching and asking her friends about it. A lot of the time she doesn't really say the right thing and part of that is because I usually put on a brave face for her and so she reverts more to her usual self.

Eventually I saw a psychiatrist who said did her fancy official thing and said I was (and am still having) a major depressive episode but I'm a really... rather closed individual? I don't like talking about super personal things with my friends and I'm usually the most cheerful thing there is under the sun. So only one of my friends know because she's my roommate and has seen me taking my medication. She asked what it was but I didn't want to tell her but eventually she pieced it together with the stories I had told her about last year. She acts the same around me which is good because I would hate it if my friends treated me differently. The only time she's cautious is if stupid people say things like "oh man it's so cold, if you walk outside it's like committing suicide" and she just kind of glances over at me to make sure it didn't trigger me or anything. So in the end it's all fine and dandy.

It really does suck a lot because a lot of people who don't have it really just have no idea how overwhelming everything feels and then just how empty your insides are which is odd because your limbs feel so heavy. But yes it definitely is important to try and find support near you via friends and family. Knowing you have people to lean on days where you can't support yourself is really nice.