Wasn't sure whether to put this post here or in the Survivors of Abuse section, so if I am in the wrong place, just report the post and tell admin to switch it to other area. I am posting because of a conversation I just had with my husband. I have come to conclusion that I cannot have a relationship with my parents until I can heal more from their abuse. I have an ok relationship with my mom at the moment and we talk maybe twice a week on the phone (they live 12 hours away, by the way), but I don't have a relationship with my dad anymore. That stopped basically 4 years ago when I got tired of what he thought about me. They both abused me physically and mentally and I always held it against them. I decided to forgive my mom a few years ago and it's been better, but I can't get myself to forgive my dad, though now I think that's the route I want to go. I am just not there yet. I have thought about writing him a letter telling him things like how I know he won't understand what he has done to me, but that I forgive him anyway and that if he wants a relationship with me, then to call me. (He has never called me). But I am realizing that I am not even in a good position to forgive him right now, because I still can't separate myself from bad feelings about the abuse he did to me. I think I would still internalize everything he says and get hurt by him. If someday I get to the point where I can distance myself from being affected by him anymore then I can probably open myself up to that possibility of having a relationship with him, (that is if he even wants one). My husband says it will take time and that I need to be patient with myself. Now I guess all I can do is let my therapist help me heal from the abuse so I can move past it and find my own identity aside from being an abuse victim. I still don't know who I am beyond that. I need to grow into my own person and figure out who I am regardless of what they have done to me. Anyway, that is my thoughts today. Thanks for reading.