I've only had these feelings before being sexually assaulted regularly by people I was close with constantly. When I did it was short lived. My heart is gone, I mean I don't like trust people. I know I'm a woman deep down in this male body. I'm not ugly looking or anything like that, it's a joke when I'm accused because of my body for no reason the logic is because I have a **** and balls. Seriously that's some sick cowardly unintelligent **** right there. I've been done, if I was sexually attracted to men I'd be gay and try my luck, because gay guys try to creep on me and it's makes me feel uncomfortable. I never have feelings for a girl truly where I get crazy and act like an idiot not in a negative way but just do stupid things say something stupid all the time because I really am charmed by her person nothing else. It never happens, I got screwed over today and I didn't need this. I was bout to break it off and wasn't expected a surprise but I tried I tried I tried so hard to feel safe with this, but being beaten by my last ex when she is drunk and wants to party and if I'm not physically well to party I get hit or she ****s other dudes around me. I hate this stupid place. I hate putting anything to anyone, I mean I've been tortured physically sexually and emotionally enough. I'm more than depressed now, I'm not getting out of her I can't put on once of trust or love in anyone for five minutes I'm assertive and not a push over this girl thinks she can hit me and get away with it in public earlier this morning because ik she likes me now, but this is ridiculous this me me me society has left people who give and care to people without expecting anything in return to go crazy and end up dead in a ditch because I get too drunk and I died so they throw away my body so they don't get in trouble with the law or their parents or college. Seriously is this what I tried to work so hard to get a better life for these stupid *** mother ****ers who are ignorant with half educated internet ******** and not have any serious social skills except ****ing and dying from drugs. I'm flat out done. I put too much time an energy to make anything work and worth it. I live with every day if I have any feelings, I won't run and hide I'll stand up to them, but if they get mad and think I'm too difficult and not convenient for their blankly irrelevant fairy tale they can **** off on acid or something and play make believe with someone else. I may sound like some jealous **** head who can't get any love when he needs it and just expect too much when I just ask for a hug and person a ****ing physical presence for once without feeling like I'm the only human dead on this planet to these idiots. I do me and just say **** everyone. I don't care what happens to people my age, I don't care why should I care bout people who never take care of themselves or anyone else especially. ****ing dead beat people. God damn. Done angry rant now