I don't really think that there is anything bad about a fantasy. I don't think that not having sex can make these fantasies "worse" because even if you are fantasizing about something that would be horrible in reality, so long as you don't act on it, it's fine.

I've never dated and never had an opportunity to lose it. I don't have a goal time to lose it though because physically, I'd like to lose it right now with anyone mildly attractive but emotionally, I'm so scared of sex that I do things to deliberately make myself undesirable like completely neglect my appearance and be purposely cold and unflirty with men I find attractive. And it's so difficult because I'm working against myself.

I actually do this in a lot of areas of my life. I am working on a piece of music that frightens me. I'm scared of it, so I avoid practicing it but when I do practice it, I get pissed at myself for not being able to play it. I'm demanding an extremely high output for the absolute minimum amount of effort and getting annoyed when I can't do what I haven't prepared myself to do. It's the exact same thing sexually except that I can't get myself to roll out of bed every morning, look at guys and tell myself that I'm not afraid of them and that it is okay to mess up with them because I have to mess up in order to be successful... because I am genuinely afraid of them and afraid of being "successful" meaning obtaining sex and/or love. I'm not actually afraid of being able to play this piece of music. I'm afraid that I can't play it and even if I can't ever play it (which I will be able to), I can still have a full and healthy life. Hell I can still have a full and healthy music career. But without ever having sex... I don't think I can have a full and healthy life because that would mean being at peace with my virginity and having a sex drive that makes that possible.