At the end of this novel I am not sure I see a question. Or if I am reading it right I don't understand the importance of the background.
If you are asking if your fantasies are ok... They are always ok. They are in your head. They are yours. They'll probably change at some point but if they don't who cares? If it makes you happy enjoy it. They are what they are.
Growly is right on with the rape thing. But I am clueless as to why you brought it up. Either that or I don't understand the question.
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