Hi there. I believe that your ex is a narcissist. Everything that you have described fits perfectly with someone who has this disorder. Managing a relationship with a narc is very difficult. As you yourself would know, they really only think of themselves and anything that serves their own best interests. Anything which is perceived as a threat to them (and that would be you) is dealt with accordingly. They have a very impressive repertoire of behaviours to deal with this ranging from outright rage, hostility and aggressiveness to highly manipulative techniques such as rewriting history, denying, projecting, etc, etc. There is one thing a narcissist hates and that is to be criticised. Rightly or wrongly, to them it translates directly into a threat to their over inflated and grandiose sense of self. They will never, ever, ever admit to any shortcomings, mistakes, errors or lapses of judgement because by doing this it would challenge their false self. Lashing out in a hostile way is typical of the type of reaction you would get, so don't be too alarmed because this is the way it is and it will always be. They are highly toxic people, capable of inflicted great harm onto those around them so be thankful that you are no longer in an intimate relationship with him. Unfortunately, you do still have to deal with him because of the children and that puts you in a very difficult situation. Maintain your boundaries and do not let him cross them. Obviously minimising contact would be the best solution, but failing that be prepared for more bad behaviour. They typically don't get better, they get worse. Read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and empower yourself with knowledge. The more you begin to understand the complexity of the disorder and the psychology behind it, the more empowered you will feel. Never underestimate them either. Their behaviour constitutes abuse in many forms - emotional, psychological, financial, etc, etc. and they have an uncanny way of getting inside your head like a spiritual cancer.

The best advice I can give you is to have minimal contact. Keep contact as brief and focused as possible. Try not to buy into arguments or the like. Don't bother arguing anything with them because it is a total no-win situation and you will just exhaust yourself. Try to remember above all that they are not rational or logical and that they do not and will not act like a "normal" person. They usually have no genuine empathy, caring, concern or the like. It is just an act. The only thing they are concerned with are themselves. It's not going to be easy but just remember as the years go by and your children mature the dynamics will slowly change and you will slowly be able to distance yourself from this emotional vampire. All the best.