Diagnosed with depression at 18. On Prozac until about 28 with fairly good success. It suddenly stopped working at the same time I was getting let go from a teaching job I loved. I was having horrible anxiety and depression and was put on lexapro. It kept me from going over the edge and so I just stayed on it. But eventually I was zombified and just didn't see that gradual progression. Over the summer my wife confronted me and felt I was no longer in love with her, and that I was so miserable and was basically sure it was her and was ready to leave me. I had a breakdown. I love my wife and it made us both see the problem was with my mental illness. When I was taken off the lexapro I had a major manic episode and remembered many times in my past when I felt that way. I was euphoric in some ways, but it scared my wife (I know I was out of control in some ways). I was finally diagnosed with bipolar. Since September I have been struggling to find something that works. I live in an isolated area with few shrinks, most of whom are far away or not taking new patients. I have been working with my wonderful GP but know I need more expert advice so have an appt with a shrink next week. Right now I am on depakote and am experiencing a horrible depressive episode. Writing this out was a Herculean task, but I need to know that someone understands what I'm going through. I feel like I am bobbing along in the water. Every once in a while I come up for air for a second, sometimes I even spot land, and then I think I can fix this, but the next moment I'm underwater again. I started doing yoga twice a week and that seems to help for a few hours after each class. I promised myself today I would find a support system. I've reconnected with 2 old friends online and set a lunch date for tomorrow so I know I'll have to get out of bed. I'd appreciate any advice at all for how to start this journey.