Hi ambra,

I think I understand what you mean about Pandora's box....is it like feeling like maybe you've given too much or shared beyond what you can now control? Like maybe you are now in uncharted territory and T has the answers that you are too afraid or unsure of how to ask for?

For me, I'm in a place like this in therapy quite often. I'm intellectually and rationally able to see things as they are: T is a professional, here to help for an hour a week with whatever I need help with as far as talking goes. He's not interested beyond helping me process and understand things. He cares but he's a paid professional. That's all good.

Emotionally? Well I'm a wreck. I think about him too much. I worry about what he thinks of me too much. I'm unable to speak sometimes because I'm overwhelmed with fear of how what I say will impact the therapy relationship. I'm scared and often feel much younger - like a child.

How to reconcile these two states? It's very difficult. I've found it helpful to talk to my T about these things but I'm not past it yet....I've felt this way since very early on in therapy and now it's been a year and he is still there So I'm trying to remember that....all he has done up til now. Not perfect, no. We've had a major rupture but he's still there. I think I might get into the why I'm so scared he will leave me. What does it matter? But it does. Maybe the answer to all this is in exploring the why?

Idk. Just thinking out loud how long have you been with your T? I know it's difficult but I'm proud of you for continuing to go even when it's soooo hard just to make it there. I know the feeling all too well