Really really agitated. I think coming off the meds is making things far worse than they have to be. Feeling like I want to smash things up and SH to a very dangerous point. But that will be a one way ticked to a locked ward and I dont want that, its the only thing keeping me from doing it, I keep convincing myself that I do not want to make my circumstances worse. Very very very hard to keep myself under control though. I want to hurt myself because I cannot deal with the hurt inside, I need the release and the comfort. But it is a good thing Im in hospital and not at home because I would have done a lot of damage at home.