I was always sorta lonely, even around people. Soulmates are hard to come by.

I was finnishing HS after year as exchange student in the USA, trying to figure out where to go next. Add being culturally shocked and torn to the usual mix. Was girl who read Kafka, drank mixture of very strong ginger tea (not the kind of you drink when cold, so strong that it probably killed me taste buds. And I eat powdered ginger too in high quantitifes) and energy drinks which made me spend most of the last two years of high school. I experimented with other stuff too.

Had ideals, but was already losing some of them, was clashing with people and had strong escapist urges (that eventually led to manic travels, something I will always treasure), lots of angst and sadness.

Maybe I am more at peace now. Less high, more sad, wiser, much older in the soul... and much less hopeful in general.