Are you sure it's a side effect of medication though? It sounds like it may be a control issue. Both behaviors are a way of exerting control. Perhaps because you no longer feel like using ED you have substituted SI. I know that during my teenage here I would go back and forth between the two. When I was 15 I was out in the state psych hospital for children for four months. I couldn't SI because it was summer and we were required to go swimming, so it would have been hard to hide - had staff seen, I would have been put on 1:1 and kept longer. So for the summer I severely restricted calories and exercised as much as possible, including pacing for hours in the rec room when we weren't allowed outside.

It happened a couple of times when I found myself unable to use SI.

My point is that I don't necessarily think SI Is worse than ED, it just shows outwardly. ED is just as dangerous, if not moreso.

You have said quite a few times that you think you were better without meds, and I know how much you hate taking medication. That could cause you to attribute things as side effects that aren't necessarily.

I do hope you don't tAke offense to anything I have said. I feel your pain and I sincerely hope you are able to find peace soon.