View Single Post
 
Old Mar 09, 2014, 03:43 PM
Ambra's Avatar
Ambra Ambra is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Limbo
Posts: 830
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freewilled View Post
Hi ambra,

I'm intellectually and rationally able to see things as they are: T is a professional, here to help for an hour a week with whatever I need help with as far as talking goes. He's not interested beyond helping me process and understand things. He cares but he's a paid professional. That's all good.

Emotionally? Well I'm a wreck. I think about him too much. I worry about what he thinks of me too much. I'm unable to speak sometimes because I'm overwhelmed with fear of how what I say will impact the therapy relationship. I'm scared and often feel much younger - like a child.
Hi Freewilled, thank you for sharing: that's exactly the same feeling, plus I feel like a sort of subhuman with my T since I shared some painful things. So now I feel dirty and ashamed in the presence of a proper person who knows the horrible things I was subjected to and I barely speak because I don't feel entitled to talk further about topics that she might be fed up of, making sessions frustrating. Last time, feeling guilty for interrupting the boy, I thought I have to do something because I need to get rid of this poisoning feeling. But I can't do it and now that I'm stuck I fear the therapist will lose her patience.

I've been with T for 6 months after the 1st one lost her patience at our 3rd session cause I wasn't disclosing and referred me to her (thank God). I wish I could ask T to just pull me from this filth so that I can break through but I know I have to do my part. T sees i'm struggling but I don't think she got an idea of how much I'm actually struggling as I used to be very focused and think rationally. I still do but disclosure changed things in front of my therapist and got me stuck. I'll probably keep being an emotional wreck too.. but I wish I was able to at least talk to her like before. Thanks for sharing the rupture thing too, it reminds me once again that good Ts are not likely to leave you in the middle of the mess.
__________________
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

Last edited by Ambra; Mar 09, 2014 at 03:44 PM. Reason: grammar
Hugs from:
Freewilled