Okay, so this has been a major issue for me for quite some time now, but it just keeps getting worse. I'm engaged, which is why I'm actually seeking an answer, because if I was single I honestly don't think I'd care.

Not even two years ago I had people calling me a nymphomaniac. I identified as a bisexual polyamorous woman, and every relationship I've had until now has been "open" at the very least. People took this to mean "slut", at least as I understand it behind my back, but would gladly take advantage of it and so most of my sexual experiences after high school (and some during) were three or more. Now, I still identify this way, though I am only interested in my fiancé, and don't really want to change that.

However, I break down and cry, or get seriously triggered every time he even tries to initiate sex. He's pretty good about it and never blames me at all, but I feel so bad. I think we've had sex once in the last two months without me crying or hating myself. I don't know what's changed, but even a hug or a passionate kiss makes me feel like I'm doing something horribly wrong. If I get turned on I just try my hardest to shut it off because deep down I think it's the worst thing and no one must know. I don't ever masturbate, and my fiancé tried to get me to to see if it would help and it just made me feel sick and totally turned off.

I don't know what to do anymore. I worry it's killing my relationship even though I know my fiancé wouldn't lie to me and he's telling me it's okay he still loves me and stuff. I want to make him happy and I don't want him to think it's because of him. I'm freaking out. Advice?