I can see why this topic is marked with a trigger -- it triggered me to join and respond!

I was spanked as a kid -- not infrequently, and with "accessories." But it didn't just stop there, and actually my father didn't stop hitting me (pinching me, pulling my hair, pushing me to the ground, whacking me, grabbing my throat), until I was a junior in high school. And even after he did finally stop hitting me, he told me several times, "I wish your mother never made me stop hitting you." Obviously, it was never something he regretted doing.

I think what hitting teaches (what it taught me) is that your body is open to be used by others. Like it doesn't really belong to you. On top of this, my father was never affectionate with me, never hugged me, never seemed to want to protect me, never really talked to me about me. He never touched me unless in anger. He never apologized for what he did. My mother, who spanked me and slapped me too, was mostly absent, until she later got the nerve to make him stop. Something I wouldn't have even known about if he didn't tell me to my face. He made me feel totally unwanted.

I was a very strong, independent, outgoing girl when I was young. But when I reached puberty/middle school, everything changed. I become a loner, I took on some very bad coping mechanisms. I began purging and cutting in 8th grade, alcohol abuse in 9th (alone -- I wasn't going to parties). Until college I mostly stayed away from guys -- too shy and insecure, I guess. In college I began doing all the risky stuff. Always with alcohol. I am 24 and I have never so much as kissed a guy without having had a couple drinks. And I have kissed/(insert sexual maneuver) lots of guys. I've done stuff in alleyways and in unmarked vans that I am just disgusted by. Always with strangers. I have charged money for sex. You wouldn't know any of this by looking at me. I graduated from a top college with honors and I am an intelligent person. Come to think of it, that was the only thing my father ever did compliment me on -- my brain. I know it is a good thing to focus on your child's intelligence, but he never once told me I was a good person -- in fact, he said I was worthless. But hey, this worthless person gets A's!

For me there is no doubt that the way I was treated has a direct link with the way I act sexually. When I am in a bar (drunk) and a guy pays attention to me, looks at me like he wants me, smiles at me, it's like the best thing in the world. I feel the need to touch and be touched. I feel the need to keep making that person like me, if only for a couple hours. Once I sober up I'm too ashamed of myself/afraid of real intimacy to stick around. So I've never been in a relationship. I'm terrified of the idea of one. Although, sometimes I wish I could be in a relationship -- even an abusive one -- as long as the man usually treated me like "his little princess." Total daddy complex. I'm a cliche. I hookup with a lot of much older men.

My parents went way beyond spanking, so I'm definitely not saying that all my problems are the result of simple spanking. But I also know that there are parents who say, "oh, we spank our kids" when they really do much more than that. I think another major thing to keep in mind is that, even if you do spank your kids sometimes, you need to show them love and affection at all other times. My family was usually either in a state of rage or a state of co-worker style cordialness. Never affection (except my dad towards my mom -- she was perfect. He would dance her around the room and kiss her. I was in the way).

This has been really rambling and self-pitying, but I haven't vented most of this stuff to anyone and I think it can also stand as an example. Spanking should never be done, in my opinion, because it is disrespectful of the child, just as it is disrespectful to hit an adult. My father always demanded that I show him respect, but to this day I do not respect him because of the way he treated a child. If you want to go ahead and sparingly use spanking, then please make sure to let them know how much you love them. Let them know how special they are. Don't treat your kids as an extension of yourself. Let them know that their bodies belong to them. Let them know they make you happy just the way they are.