What I meant to say was exactly what I said - that I did not know about fantasies back then. Maybe because I had extremely late puberty (menarche at two weeks short of 16), I had all the genital development later, and sexual fantasies came later and came really strongly in connection with the first true love, with a bit here and there before. I had a vigorous relationships life, complete with a suicide attempt by boyfriend number 2 when I left him for boyfriend number 3=first husband, luckily unsuccessful (he did die of suicide later, not in connection with me, and was a mentally ill genius, and I would never forgive myself for leaving him for the mostly boring guy that husband1 was, but again, husband1 and I produced a great child), so on the front of relationships, suitors, etc., I had a very "eventful" life from very early on, but sexual fantasies, no. That came much later. I mean, I had a fantasy life which was great but it was not connected with masturbation. I discovered masturbation at 19 - very late - and for a while it was without fantasy. Then, I stupidly became sexually attracted to the would be first husband, after 7 years of friendship, and still cannot figure out what possessed me. After that I waited for a month to have sex with him, and during that month, did fantasize about him a bit. Then we started having sex. We had more sex than rabbits do. But I no longer fantasized about him. And when I think back to that, I am so bored - ****ing, ****ing, ****ing... more ****ing... more ****ing... yawn.

To fast forward, the truly rich fantasy life started in connection with the same man I still have such strong feelings for, and I can orgasm remembering the sound of his voice.

Oh, and my first orgasm did not get recognized for years as such, but it actually happened when I was around 18, so before I discovered masturbation, when a man who was deeply in love with me, in the course of a telephone conversation, called me by my first name with such a sweeping feeling that I had a full body/mind reaction. I dutifully tried to ignore the man and my reaction, because I did not want to accept the complexity and non-linearity of the world of feelings and thought that as I planned to spend my life with another guy (with whom at that time I had a LD r/s, but later, at 19 and 20, had some sexual beginnings with, sans orgasms). I should write to the guy who said my first name eliciting such a response that my first orgasm was with him... he will be pleased. I eventually, years later, had a bit of sex with him, being his first woman, which was pure fun to me but eventually painful to him as he took it seriously and hoped that I would finally come to my senses and marry him. eventually, many many years later, he did marry someone, but says that he still loves me on some level and that I was the most sexually attractive woman in his life. I remember how he said my name and how I had that reaction very well. It is as if I were in that room holding the receiver now. By contrast, I remember very little from those 24/7 rabbit ****ing sessions with bf3/h1, so I conclude that quality is far more important than quantity. I do have some feelings for that "first orgasm" guy - I do not love him, but I care about him and have a strong emotional attachment to him. I have no feelings for first H other than being still suprised at myself when I ponder what possessed me to all of a sudden become sexually attracted to him. I got bored after two months, but my mother was so happy that I switched to a guy who had no mental illness that I married him to keep her happy. So I have learned my lesson, but by now my mother is dead so I cannot apply this lesson to my life...