I know what you're thinking you probably got that I'm backing out because of some mushroom thing that's going on with you right now. And yes you're kind of right but I'm not backing out on purpose, I know it's for the best. And panic disorder and depression and to top it off I'm also a cutter. These past few days getting ready for the wedding, have been hell for me. My anxiety and panic attacks have been through the roof. I had to go to the hospital once just so they could administer something to calm me down. Its not a good feeling noon mean you cannot be the morning control the time. So with a lot of the lot of tears I decided not to be in this wedding. Because I know the pressure and anxiety would be way too much for me being that I would be a maid of honor where should I say would have been made of honor. Still sad about it but I'm still haven't relieved that that's not going to be on anymore. I would have rather try to face it but my cutting has been getting out of hand so I knew that this would be a wise decision to back off and not let myself destroy myself over a wedding. I will still enjoy the wedding but I don't know if I can stand myself being at the reception afterwards knowing that I was supposed to be the maid of honor. I don't know we'll see when we get there I guess.