It's a little after 5:30am and I'm up at a coffee place... actually, I didn't sleep at all last night. At all. I have issues with self-hatred, and although I've really been making progress on controlling other aspects of my life, I am still having trouble with this one. My self-hatred is deep-rooted, and it's grown like a weed or a cancer inside me. I couldn't sleep because I was having an episode last night -- either I was crying or I was tossing and turning in bed, or my body was clenching up. I need to work on this very desperately, because it is crippling me. It keeps me from putting my best foot forward, it keeps me from making new friends and meeting new people. I feel like everyone's better than me and that no one will like me or will think I'm good enough for them. It's really horrible because I feel like I can't ever satisfy myself. Nothing is EVER good enough. I can't enjoy the present because I'm always worrying about the future, when my friends will find out that I'm really a total loser and they'll dump me, or when the truth is revealed that I suck at everything. I always feel like I'm hiding my true self from people, like I can't be myself ever. And now I have a terrible headache from coffee and not sleeping, but I don't want to go back to my apartment. I'm going to discuss this with my therapist, but I'm clueless about how to deal with this in the meantime... is there even a point to trying???