Are you really fat? Sometimes we're our harshest critics. If you are really fat then perhaps that's something to work on for your self-esteem? I'm not suggesting you lose weight to get a man, but perhaps it would make you feel better about yourself. Plus there's the health benefits, mentally and physically.

You want the attention because you want to be desired as a woman and thought of as attractive, but at the same time you don't want the attention because you don't want to sexually abused ( assuming that's what's happened in the past).

It wouldn't be uncomfortable for your T for you to talk about this. They've heard far, far worse.. I will say this, I don't think you're ready for any sex or sexual realationship, based on what you've said. You need to work on yourself first.