Certainly sounds like your meds are indeed needed. I can't see inside your head, for all I know you do see atoms, or you may have a superb imagination, but its a stone cold fact that others cannot access your thoughts.

If you find your meds disagreeable for any reason besides thinking they're poison, I suggest speaking to your pdoc about changing them. For now its best to keep taking them to help clear your thought processes. Taking the meds that sedate you will be most helpful to you at this time.

Hope you feel better soon