I totally see you point about lack of empathy being related to AsPD and NPD. I don't want to beat this to death, but my point is that there are basically 2 kinds of "lack of empathy"... one is the NPS/AsPD total disregard for other living things, where those things are just tools to manipulate for personal gain and you have no feeling for them whatsoever. Then there's another type that literature also refers to as "lack of empathy", which is maybe more accurately described as difficulties with "theory of mind" (which is a term often used in reference ASD).

Personally I think they are two totally unique concepts which can both be roughly described as "lack of empathy". The first is something where the person just doesn't care at all about others (complete lack of empathy and sympathy) and the second is a byproduct of poor intuitive empathy.

Case in point: when I was maybe 12 (old enough to know better) I was in the car with my aunt and she said "does it kind of look like I have a mustache a little bit?" and I bluntly responded with something along the lines of "yes, it does". Shortly after I said that I was regretful and ashamed of myself - I realized that it was hurtful to say something like that so matter-of-factly and I had no intention of hurting her feelings. I was just speaking honestly in the moment and not even thinking of the emotional ramifications of other parties involved. As soon as I heard her response and thought about it a little more I felt guilty about it.

I'm not saying this one event is clinical proof of my alexithymia (poor impulse control would be another valid explanation), but it illustrates the difference between the two forms of "lack of empathy" I am trying to differentiate. I had no intention of hurting someone's feelings in the situation and I felt guilty and stupid for how I acted once I realized that it was really rude and insensitive to say. Someone with AsPD calculates this kind of statement to make someone else feel bad and someone with NPD calculates this kind of statement to make themselves feel superior to that person. In this situation I was unintentionally not taking other people's emotions into account because of an intuitive and non-malicious lack of empathy.

The term "lack of empathy" is used in reference to sociopaths and people with Asperger's - I think it's a totally different concept because sociopaths use it in a calculated way while people with Asperger's are using it innocently... like being manipulative vs. just not knowing any better.

Now am I lecturing?