I have an overwhelming urge to call LCM "mom". It's the name I use in my head for her. She knows I call her "mom" in my head. I'm not really sure she thinks it's a huge deal because it is just a word and I probably don't really understand the symbol behind it.

I kinda want to just call her "mom" one day and I do in a sarcastic tone of voice occasionally. I don't because for some reason it feels right but it also feels wrong. I worry that she might find it uncomfortable and tell me not to call her that and that would hurt like rejection even if it isn't.

I don't know. I don't think I will start calling her that. I just want to. I want to feel the word on my lips and feel the feelings that the other kids felt throughout their lives. Mom. A mom for me but not my mom.

This will probably get a lot of backlash, but what do you guys think? Why would calling her "mom" be a bad idea?