I was talking to T how I had felt over the wkend. How as much as I hated to say the words 'I felt no one likes me', that's how I had felt. I said I feel like a young child not a woman.
Than I said how as abusive as my adopted mother was, we had a rhyme. I can't find that rhyme with others.
T untangled those 2 statements and said 'the undercurrent relationship with your mother was one of hatred towards you.
Yes you had a rhyme with her, but it wasn't one that gave you anything positive you could take and use in other relationships.
So I said, you mean when I feel this self hatred, feel like no one likes me, it's happening in my head and because it's not actually happening, I feel out of touch with everyone because theyre not my mother so the 'dance' we had can't be recreated with others.
T said "yes, and you've lived with that duality for so many years now"
When I got home it all begun to become clear in my mind.
T also said "all that hatred your mother projected onto you isn't going on in your relationships today'

It was that statement T said that separated the then from the now "other people don't have that going on" - it gave my mothers hatred back to her. It was her stuff going on!