It sounds like you don't even want to deal with life right now. You may have a clinical depression and I would advise you to speak with your doctor. You can go privately and share how your feeling, share your post if you like. If you get diagnosed with depression there are some good meds out there, it's a matter of finding the right ones. Also if you are depressed you will need therapy as well to help you sort it out and overcome it. I wish you luck and I'm glad your here.