Quote:
Originally Posted by nowheretohide
Case in point: when I was maybe 12 (old enough to know better) I was in the car with my aunt and she said "does it kind of look like I have a mustache a little bit?" and I bluntly responded with something along the lines of "yes, it does". Shortly after I said that I was regretful and ashamed of myself - I realized that it was hurtful to say something like that so matter-of-factly and I had no intention of hurting her feelings. I was just speaking honestly in the moment and not even thinking of the emotional ramifications of other parties involved. As soon as I heard her response and thought about it a little more I felt guilty about it.
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See, I don't view that as a lack of empathy. That's an example of empathy, because you understood afterwards that it wasn't kind and you felt sorry for both the action and for making your aunt feel that way. That's not a lack of empathy, that's a lack of a filter. Which is totally normal for children.
To me, a lack of empathy means that there is no comprehension of other people's feelings. It doesn't necessary mean that someone does something maliciously - but there is a lack of comprehension. Hence why Aspergers, Autism, AsPD and NPD can all be described as lacking empathy. AsPD and NPD just have no desire to gain it. But the lack of empathy is the same.
So my interpretation is:
AsPD/NPD= lack of empathy + no desire to gain it.
Aspergers/Autism= lack of empathy + desire for it/unawareness that it exists.
It's still the same lack of empathy. There are just additional things which can influence it.
But you really didn't show a lack of empathy in that situation. You recognized immediately that you made an insensitive comment and tried to correct it - that's such a normal thing for kids! Some people talk/respond before they think, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they're lacking empathy.