I have T today for the first time in 2 weeks .no big deal except for the fact that I have been beat down so badly this week by everything and everyone around me that I just am miserable. I have smiled right through as much of it as I can . when I was around friends I tried to have a good time but the everyone hates me and im a horrible person just clouded my mind. one minute I would be smiling and being good and the next I was convinced the people around me just could see what a horrible burden I am and how I am just not worth any of there time energy and care. they hated me and I was just in the way and needed to just disappear.it just feels so bad that I just cant enjoy myself. I have been beat down emotionally by just about everyone in my family these few weeks and I just don't know how to talk about it . words to say what is going on. my mind cant seem to make any sense of it. it is like I know that it isn't how it should be but so deep down I know the things are said are right.

in the end I just know if I even try to talk to my T about this she will just argue the facts with me and that will just frustrate me .I just want her to tell me how to not be the person they see . to teach me not to be like I am .I just don't have the right words to say even writing this seems all wrong.