I know now my relationships don't have that same undercurrent because the one with my mother became 'felt' yesterday.
It became conscious on that real knowing level.
It's not the fact it isn't happening now that blew my mind, it's having that emotional proof finally of what the relationship was really about with mother.
Before I had the narrative, but yesterday with my tears and the saying what I was feeling in the here & now and T saying what she did, it all come together.
Hope I explained that ok.