Hang on there. I know right now you are probably feeling slighted that your T doesn't realize how badly your are hurting inside but what you are doing is not going to get you what you want.

There is a certain amount of fantasizing with cutting, mainly about how you expect someone to stop you, notice and help. It rarely goes the way you think it will. For one thing, therapists are not going to become personally involved with a patient ie, put them above all others, see them at a moments notice. (I've been there. I'm not talking out my ...). They are trained to be analytical, and if they do feel that they are becoming emotionally or personally involved with a patient, they are ethically bound to send you else where. Its not that they don't care. First off, if they did that, they would probably wind up killing themselves and that rate among therapists is high enough already. Secondly, it would make you dependant on your T, and as good as that sounds, its not. You can't stay in a dependant state permanently, and when it fell through, it would devestate you. I'm not talking about an intimate relationship. More of a caretaker deal.

I'm sorry if that felt like a slap, but there really isn't any easy way to say that. If you feel that this therapist is not taking you seriously, change therapists. There are no rules that say you can't be dead honest and even raise your voice if you feel you are being ignored or underestimated. The only person you will hurt by cutting and putting blood on your diary is you. Not only in the immediate future, but in the far future as well.

A diary in itself is a good idea. It helps you track your own behavior, feelings and either improvement or swirling the bowl. I cut for over three decades and though I never told anyone, they would find out when my car had a pool of blood or my shirt was covered. I was taken to the hospital once, where they put in sutures and sent me home regardless of my parent's pleas to keep me.
Prior to that, I tried to commit suicide. They sent me home the next day. I don't know what that says about the psychiatric community, but had I just said I was in trouble and needed help, I could have gotten some. Instead, no one took anything seriously. I wasn't cutting to get myself committed, but you would think that after seeing the same patient in the ER several times in a year for self inflicted damage that needed sutures, someone would get it. Use your voice, not your blade. You'll get further.

Sam2