my life is hell and im feeling like I want to kill myself.

Its not that i hate life, but i just cant bare the pain anymore.

Now, im stuck with one issue.

Is this the cause of the a) illegal drugs, or b) the medication.

Ok, you know how brave I have to be to go against the entire world, and say the whole world is idiotic and stupid? get called arrogant? well im afraid its just unbelievable how obvious things can be and people still cant recognize the truth.

I can pretty much say its B... because i remember when my head first degenerated to the feeling like i have a pinhole soul, when i was about 25-26, after continual medication i couldnt refuse. it didnt happen straight away, i was 19 when i got my first bout of the destructive crap, and made me feel like i was on a cloud permanently, i remember i was trying to program on the little 486 at the hospital and i could barely see the screen.

do you think its healthy being drugged that much? and how much we get overdrugged?

anyway, im 33 now and i just cant take it, and i was wondering why noone else even can understand whats happening to me? or cant even say it happened to them the same as me? making me a little of an inuendo case. but you can think im lieing if you want, but I feel like I want to kill myself., and its because of the medication.