I didn't want to call her mom, I wanted her to be my mom, and we talked about this a couple of times. This was in the very beginning of 18 months of therapy. I want to share an email conversation I had with her. This is before I gave the okay for touch. I had lots of neck,shoulder and back pain. Her response really helped me in my therapy and my relationship with her:

Me:

I feel like an infant at times today, in having to nourish my body,
and in your office. After a spoonful or two of food I have to force
myself to eat. The feeling like an infant: wanting you to hold me, touch me, to be my
mother is more difficult, because I can't control this all consuming
need !

I need to grow up, but it ain't happening.

I am left very sleepy, and the only thing that jolts me into reality
is the neck and shoulder pain.

Can we speed the process up?

Therapist:

Remember, all behaviors are simply messages about unmet needs delivered in code.

What is your body telling you, and why in code? Good guess: your need to be held, cuddled, nurtured, loved, as an infant, as a child, was never met, and never met for reasons beyond your control. For a long time you denied that truth – both that the need existed and had not been met, and that you were not responsible for it not happening.

So, your body is saying: see this need did exist, it was not met, it is not your fault. See, you have tried to find ways to meet the need – have done it on your own.

Those needs: to feel loved, nurtured, held, etc do not go away – even if met as children. Adults have those needs as well. You still struggle to trust that someone else would want to meet those needs for you, so you continue to try to do it yourself.

Many of your current struggles are not discrete – they are intertwined. Being an adult means recognizing and accepting adult needs – and learning to trust another adult to meet those needs for you.

Remember: it’s a process. It has to move at whatever speed you can handle. It’s not a race. You will get there.

You will to, growlithing.