My anxiety is under control with meds but I don't know if I can live with the side effect…I mean can literally live, but it makes my future feel empty and hopeless.

Basically, it's a pretty brutal sexual side effect (I can get aroused pretty easily but release is difficult or next to impossible) and I've just barely begun experiencing anything sexual at all and now I can't ever enjoy it because of my anxiety…unless I want to go back to having more anxiety and less of an ability to interact with other people. And my psychiatrist knows this. Apparently, I could switch and try out new (and non-generic and therefore more expensive) drugs that may or may not work for me at all. And my doctor says the side effects won't ever get better, but also strongly recommends that I don't switch because of how calm I am most of the time.

But how can I trade something important in the context of a serious relationship (which is what is really important to me, more so than the sex itself) for this? And how can I trade having less discomfort around people and less anxiety for a happy and healthy relationship and my happiness in general. They're making me choose between two things that I, as a human being, need.

I hope when I switch back to my old psychiatrist (if I'm able to), she can come up with a better solution…I feel like this psychiatrist doesn't really care about my entire well being. It's like who cares if you're miserable otherwise, you have your anxiety under control! My job is done. Except I also have depression and this is going to make sure my depression is never relieved, no matter how many drugs (and amount of drugs) I try.

So am I choosing between anxiety and depression now? Even thinking about this is making me a little anxious. How ironic.