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Anonymous12111009
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Default Mar 12, 2014 at 09:31 AM
 
You're kind of vague in your description of the "wrongs" you done to your gf. I'm not sure how to respond, to what level this offense or past offenses were so i have a hard time really making any specific judgements related to you or her behavior.

the first question I have is when you said "I was moody at dinner, effectively wasting her time, and causing her to cry and ask for space. I complied and we ended up having a stronger relationship, after admitting my wrongs and showing her how I would change (which I did)."

First moodiness is kind of an ambigous thing, what did you do to make her cry? you say you "complied" makes me wonder what exactly did you have to comply to? Sounds like a lot more detail could be put in here. If you want help it would probably help for people here to know exactly what happened.

It concerns me when people say "I was asked to change, and I did." makes me think that one believes they've done their part and they are free of responsibility. What needed to change, how did you change? Considering your subsequent writing, are you sure you've actually changed or did you just appease her at the time?

A couple of questions here "More recently, I was out drinking with an old, old friend. She met up with us. I was loud, obnoxious, rude, and just unpleasant to her." Ok so what did you say and do to make her leave, and why would you choose to continue with your friend instead of going after the one that should take priority over all others? Seriously? no wonder she's offended. You continuing to have fun with your friend because "they were only in town a short time" over the feelings of your gf, kind of is a brush off or even a slap in her face. Screams "yeah I'm sorry you're upset but I'm going to have fun anyway in spite of you." So yeah that's a huge mistake.

Advice: When a gf/bf is upset due to your actions related to other people, take the time to deal with what you did wrong right then, right there. Other friends should never take priority over that if you want a serious relationship with anyone.

"I sobered up, ran errands, and picked her up something nice." A gift in response to effing up is never sufficient. It is meaningless for the most part becuase it's an attempt to soften the other person and divert attention from the offense we've committed. I'm not sure, I'm not a woman but I would think in some cases this might be off-putting for some women.

"I took a kind gesture by her and made it something bad, compounding stress that already exists in her life." Can you elaborate? I can't seem to see what this refers to in the rest of your post. Is this related to the night with your friend? Is it something that she did subsequently? What exactly did she do and how did you really make it something bad?

"we're sexual, but it's inconsistent. She's often not in the mood, and I obviously don't push her." I'll be quite honest with you, sex is something that should be shared and when someone says what you did here it sounds almost as though you are making provision for her sexually by "not pushing her" Pushing someone into sex is clearly not an option or consideration so I'm not sure why you have to assert that you didn't push her. Really if your relationship is good, your sex life will be better in that if she doesn't like it often you'd accept it or she would naturally want to be sexual with you more. by your having to mention the sex portion of your relationship tells me that you dn't like where you are sexually with her. Make the rest of your relationship right and sex will be natural.

"I'll give her some more time, but wonder if I shouldn't assert myself more." at "I'll give her some more time..." stop there. That's all you can do. if you've been genuinely apologetic about it, then when she is ready and willing she will come back to the relationship. Assertiveness on your part is not at all the problem here. There is nothing you need to assert yourself in. You were wrong, you know it. Let her decide if you're worth forgiving or not

Again this is all general based on relatively vague descriptions of what has happened.
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Thanks for this!
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