Hello cutie666: I just read your post. I think this forum is still fairly new & there's not allot of activity here yet. I've posted here once I think. That's about it. I don't know if I really have much of anything to offer either, but I'm moved to make an attempt.

You should know that I'm an old man. And I've always lived a heterosexual male lifestyle. For most of my life it never really occurred to me that there was any alternative. But also I have always felt that I should have been / wanted to be female. My earliest memories as a child involve wearing my mother's clothes (I never had any sisters so sisters' clothes weren't an option.) For about as long as I've felt female inside, I've also struggled with major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, & self-harm issues. I've also been actively suicidal. (I still am.) I kept my trans-ness a closely guarded secret until quite recently.

For many years, I hoped that as I aged all of this would gradually dissipate. But, in fact, over the past few years it has gotten worse, not better. And I know a few other men my age who seem to feel the same. If you're trans, you're trans for life. It doesn't go away. And as you age & your male body begins to age, you reach a point where this deterioration seems to inflame old trans feelings. I'm in the grip of this now.

I sense that you & I have something in common in that the idea of hormones & surgery doesn't really excite you that much. I have said a number of times that I always wanted the full female experience and so the idea of transition seemed like something of a consolation prize. Although, I would have to say that, with hindsight, knowing the havoc that this has caused in my life, if I had the chance to do it over, I would seriously consider transitioning.

So, with all of this as groundwork, I would say that it appears you're still young. If you really are transsexual, you'll be dealing with this for life. It's not going away. Of course not every trans person goes all the way through FFS & GRS surgery. Each person has to decide how much is enough. If dressing in women's clothing is enough for you, at least for now, that's fine. As time goes by, if you find that you want or need more then you can go further. Personally I have found that nothing is ever enough. If I do one thing, it just inflames my desire to do the next & so I'm right back where I started from emotionally. But that's just me. I'm afraid I don't have much to suggest in the way of relationships. I think most people meet as a result of being involved in common activities. So I would think that what one might want to do is to become active in organizations or activities that are likely to attract the type of persons you'd like to meet. This may have to be on-line at this point, but that's okay. Many people do meet initially on-line today it seems like.

Anyway, I don't know if any of this is of any consequence. But, if it is, please feel free to message me. I've had a lifetime of struggling with trans issues so I know what it's about.