Every March & April, I head downhill on a toboggan, so to speak. It's become an annual tradition. I can feel it coming on strong, now. I become more depressed & have even less energy than I usually have. I begin to feel a sort of pressure in my head as though it were being tightened in a vice

I don't believe in god or life after death. I accept the explanation for the existence of life on earth that is provided by the theory of evolution. But one sure sign that I'm heading downhill mentally is I begin to think that perhaps there could be such a thing as reincarnation. And, if there is, this means I could possibly come back as the girl I always felt I should have been. Then I think... besides even if there isn't such a thing as reincarnation, if I were dead, at least I wouldn't have to continue to live the confused, tortured life I've lived all these years. So why not put an end to it? What do I have to lose? You can see where this train of thought leads...

I'm SO tired of dealing with this day after day after day after... Sometimes I think I just can't stand it another minute! But then the rest of the time I just sink back into dull acceptance... "Oh, what the hell..." Yup... it's springtime