Ah, Granite. I have to admit, I would love love LOVE to see you tell your father to keep his comments to himself and to go to hell. Learning to draw boundaries is so hard and so painful, and so difficult. You draw the boundary and the other person pushes and pushes and PUSHES to try to get you change back. So, you do need help learning, first, how to change your behavior, and second, how to deal with the backlash that is virtually inevitable. Can you say that directly to your T? Please help me learn to change, and help me with what to do with the backlash.

My first T and I actually discussed how when my mother did X, I should say Y. When she screamed and tantrumed, I should do A, B, C, or possibly D. I will say that when I drew boundaries with my mother and held to them, it resulted in MANY screaming fights. My H blamed ME for causing conflict because I would not let her trample my boundaries. However, after a period of really struggling, my mother settled down and held to good boundaries for over ten years. It was not until my younger sister moved back in that things started to return to where they were. Trying to hold the boundaries didn't work as well then, because my mother had 'supporters' living with her all the time, reassuring her it was my fault. When it was just her and my father, it was much easier.

Anyway. Not sure how helpful is it to hear about my stuff, but I wanted you to know you are not alone. You are not somehow weak or defective for not knowing how to do this. It is a learned skill, and your T should be helping you learn it.