she had a similar experience with my dad who was an alcoholic, so she understands. she won't tell me not to be with him. she wants me to be safe and tells me to really think about what i'm doing before i end up married and regretting it. she says he won't get better, i just have to decide if the good outweighs the bad.

I forgot to mention I that I got a text yesterday after my exam saying 'I'm sorry, I love you'. And as I'd forgotten to take my meds that morning due to everything happening I was feeling pretty bad and he bought me pizza and took care of me all day.

I felt weird not talking about it though, and by evening I was really bad. First I just said I felt that even though he was obviously sorry, forgetting about it wouldn't help. it ended up turning into a really long argument where he said i was trying to drill his faults into him and make him feel bad when i just expected him to accept mine. and i should be sorry for not comforting him when he had his outburst, as he was sorry for having the outburst. i was trying to tell him that i'd never be able to have a different reaction to that sort of behaviour. he kept saying i thought i was better than him so i ended up saying things i regret out of frustration (or just phrasing it wrongly - i.e: being nice will never outweigh the bad - meaning that i'd prefer to talk it through. and explaining that he was scary and a big man who had once hit me - when i was just meaning to tell him he was wrong to say he'd comfort me if i was throwing things around and shouting like that). I feel really bad about how i handled it. i've spent all day trying to make it up to him but he didn't make it easy to start with, wouldn't tell me whether or not he wanted me to do things etc. but it's a bit better now. but i still don't feel i've had closure about yesterday and that he accepts that the way he acted was not comparable to my few seconds of being in shock.