I'm sorry I haven't been on here in a long time. But I have been going up and down (99% down though, only up when there is a lot information on my precious game I have been talking about since 2012) and my grandpa is doing better since I last wrote about his near death experience. He is still struggling but not to the point of me worrying that he will die that very day.

Mom is still dying (like always) don't don't attack me for saying this, that I am literally terrified that grandpa will outlive both my parents. My grandpa is 91 and yes, my mom and dad are far worse health wise than my grandpa. Even with that near death experience last time.

Once my parents are gone, I have no where to go. I would be on the streets. And yes, I do get SSI but that is below the poverty line. Most homes/ apartments cost far, far more than that. And yes, I know there are special programs to get a house/ apartment at a far less rate, but there is a long waiting period. I can't even take care of myself with my problems. And my brother's SSI case is also going on (still after years of waiting and denials). If he gets another denial, that means with that pathetic $710 a month I will also have to take care of my brother. My mom must be so proud to raise 2 people ( I don't like being called a child since I'm 31) that have no job, can't get a job, and have absolutely no future.

I had 2 good days that something good happened this entire year. One was the surprise birthday party, and a couple of days ago that someone finally had the last payment on my art. I mean for the art piece $150 dollars. That is over a long period of time.

The move has to take place BY September 30th. And now because of another water leak, the cabana is ruined. I wonder how many thousands that will cost. Nothing but problems. More and more bad things happen as the years go by, with each year being worse than the previous year. And before someone has that line, "oh that's life" yes life is stressful sometimes, but never having hope, having nothing BUT bad with extremely little positive, especially in America (we aren't a 3rd world country that you have to worry about being killed in a war in the country), that there is an extremely real chance of being on the street once my parents die and having little money, going down in the economic scale even though all indicators show the economy is actually improving greatly, etc.

There is no hope of EVER things getting better or things truly being beneficial for our family. Long lasting hope. The very last time I had hope was false, and that was when I had my delusional manic episode in 2007/08. Or if you include my game that I probably won't enjoy due to the fact by the time it comes out I would be homeless, then recently. Especially when it was announced.