Hi bazzinga, this exactly: "with all this mental crap im dealing with right now". It's a door (!!). It may feel really bad that it was a door "at the end of the day" but it's still just a door. What matter much more is you. Now if you can/have held off the SI, and if that was/is just for......however long that's what matters. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks that is an achievement!!!
And "you're being left behind"..........well you're probably "streets ahead" of a lot of people in your life just by posting your video on YouTube!!! The gut's that took, that was amazing you know!! And a real inspiration to some of the people out there who may be going through similar things. You ARE moving forward, way forward with your life even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
Sometimes it takes a step back to move forward, and you know perhaps you're doing just that, to "put your hands up" and saying this is how it is, but........one step at a time.
And the everyday things people take for granted....you're exactly right, they ARE taken for granted. But there are things you CAN do/things you DO do, and considering the way you feel sometimes you really should give yourself massive credit for doing those things!!
And whatever they are at the time you certainly shouldn't be taking those things for granted and "throwing them away" like other people do. They matter and you can/should do/will do see the real value in them.
OK, there's always going to be "something more" but with help you CAN get there. AND you're going to see the real value in the smaller things that others can't necessarily see, the things you're managing now. Every "little" thing matters!!
As for your family, if they can get an idea of what you're going through, I would say that they should be SO proud of you!! Just see that you're "letting them in" as much as you feel able to.
So glad you're managing to make "breakthrough's" though!! It may not feel like it but.......they're there!! With YouTube....with keeping that up with Tiger and Buddy, and we are/I am there for you!!! I know it must be SO hard for you at times BUT you're NOT alone.
Alison