Something to keep in mind. You have been "clean" for quite a while. You realize that cutting is an addiction. If you give in to your urge to cut "just once", the chance of you starting again is high. Most addictions are fought for life. The further out you go, the less you will think about it, but it only takes once and it will start again.

I'm over two years out now, but every now and then, when things get really bad, I start to think about it. Notice sharp things, triggers. I know that if I start, I won't be able to stop and its just not worth going through all that again. All it gets you is very temporary relief. We, as humans, are very good at fooling ourselves. "just one more time", "I'll stop tomorrow". We convince ourselves that we have it under control and make excuses for ourselves.

You are doing well. Don't let yourself blow all that hard work. If you cut, after the relief, you will feel guilt, failure, weakness. If you hold off, you can truly say that you have gotten control over your urge to SI. How do you want to feel the next day?

Off the subject, your forum name is kind of ironic. As kids, we used to say someone was "mental", meaning we thought they were crazy. Actually, if you are mental, you are using your head and intelligent. Stay strong.

sam2