((Jane)), I can see how that kind of course would be a challenge considering where you are in your therapy. So you need to step back and consider the reason "why" this course is significant to becoming a "social worker". Ask yourself who would be a better social worker, someone who had all they needed growing up and has no problems, or someone who was challenged and had needs that were not met?

The whole point of "social work" is all about understanding what kind of needs people have and trying to find ways to "improve" whatever conditions are in place that cause harm.

For example Jane, there are a lot of single mothers out in our society right now. You are not alone with the challenges you have, the desire to do right by your son, and to find a way to help yourself be a stronger person and keep working at learning and improving your independence, in spite of your challenges.

Jane, if your desire is to become someone who is involved with social work and being a part of programs designed to "help" people improve their lives. You already have first hand experience where you will "know" what the people who struggle feel. In fact, as you work on understanding yourself better, you will also learn what can be more helpful in helping others who have children "not" to make the mistakes that your mother made.

Jane, the truth is, it doesn't matter what social status someone has, because children can go un-nurtured in all classes. Jane, I have seen it happen, I have seen so many people that have children totally miss what is really important and I have seen the sad outcome. PTSD happens to all classes of people Jane. Family dysfunction happens in all classes of people as well.

So, this course is not meant to "expose you or hurt you or even shame you", it is meant to give you an idea of your own base of understanding from whatever your own history has been because in the end, you will be learning how to apply that to an overall societal challenge. You do not have to consider "your challenges" as something that is preventing you from being a valuable person.

I can see why this particular class can be a bit of a challenge, however, I also think it could actually be a class that will have more meaning to you than you realize if you stick it out. This class can actually be very helpful to your healing too.

What I have realized about my own healing journey, is that when I "am" challenged and work through it, I also am learning and adding to the part of myself that will have more ability to analyze. I can see "my" challenges verses the overall challenges to people in general, I do get triggered, and it "is" a challenge when that happens, however, what I have now, is the ability to be able to process these deep challenges better and when I do that I actually begin to feel better, the triggers get weaker and weaker and I get stronger.

The biggest challenge that PTSD presents is "our own reactions" to different challenges. However, most people have these reactions, the difference with PTSD is that they are magnified and the person struggling gets confused by that and tends to "flight or fight" when they don't have to be that extreme. However, what is confusing is how the reaction takes even the person struggling by surprise and because that happens they become more afraid or confused. What needs to happen is slowly learning that when this does happen, it can finally be worked through and actually finally processed which can take a few days as well as the right support too, and when it is learned that when this takes place the triggers actually get weaker, the person struggling begins to realize it is ok to keep moving forward.

Jane, what you are really doing is slowly working on creating healthier neurological pathways in your brain. You are actually seeing this take place as you watch your own son get better and better at writing, reading and everything he is learning. Eventually, these skills will get so easy for him that he wont even really think about them being a challenge anymore.

When a person grows up in a home where they do not receive the right
nurturing, they have a deficit. However, it is important to finally learn
that it really is not "themselves" that has the deficit, that is something not
there in their nurturer. A big problem in our society, is this happens a lot
in all classes of society, the only way to change that is through educating
parents better. Most teachers will say that while they do their best to
try to educate children in their classrooms, unfortunately, the one thing
that often impedes their success is what a child goes home to.

OE