In my case it goes back to growing up in an alcoholic family. We take on different roles to try to balance things out. People pleaser is a very common one. In my case it was primarily scape goat. I was getting in trouble all the time. For me it was many years in AA and Alanon working the steps and therapy and working through my past that helped me. What people think of me is none of my business. Like you said they are to worried about thinking of what other think of them. It is really what I perceive others think of me. And if I am helping someone am I doing it unconditionally or am I fulfilling some need that I have.