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Originally Posted by sophiesmom
This got me to thinking.....Shouldn't we be allowed to say no to therapists because we feel like we're not ready?
(I am not seeing one, so I am simply asking others, here)
Her comment about only having 2 people refuse, sounds a little like pressure via condescension...
I hope that I am not overstepping my bounds or upsetting anyone by this observation.
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Sometimes I think (on a personal level) we're not always the best judge of when or when not we're ready. That said, on her telling me that, I did challenge her... saying it wasn't a lack of confidence, it was a lack of people to ask.
I knew full well that the only way to get 5 people was to ask those who if in an ideal situation I would not.
But I didn't decline the challenge... which was a little naïve of me... and I suppose at the time of speaking to my T I didn't ask about 'what if it goes to hell in a poopa scoop?' which would have been prudent... but I'm a slow reactor - I reflect on information before coming to a conclusion on how to act... and the session was over by that time.
Once burnt, twice shy... and I will get into better discourse with her in future instances like this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankbtl
You know what, I actually think you should find talking to that co-worker encouraging ToeJam!!
It shows a reflection on them not you in the way they answered so......OK I know you have difficulties but at least you don't have the difficulties your colleague has on top of those!! From what I can see you're not insensitive, oblivious to people's feelings, judgmental, focus "full on" on the "negative" things you think you see in people, you're not persistent in stating what you think are faults in other people especially when the chance is there (which it was) to throw in good aspects as well.
And at the end of the day it was his perspective, that doesn't make it true. You say he knows you but does he know you. Often colleagues only "see" parts of us, and parts of us that can be out of context with the rest of our lives.
I mean you said it yourself "I think most who know me see the hard layer I guess I construct". YOU is much bigger than someone's "colleague" and YOU is much bigger than certain aspects people may "see".
If you want to use what he said as a positive tool in working towards changing things for yourself at work (and some of those things aren't going to take a lot to improve) then fine but remember those are just his opinions. And I'd completely agree with keeprolling that sometimes things/qualities can be put across as not "helpful" when in fact they can be very "helpful" in different situations.
Really sorry you were made to feel that way though and you didn't "let yourself down". It was probably hard for you to ask anyone, and something you really weren't used to doing right?? So maybe it was "a bolt out of the blue" for you??
As for the purpose of the exercise, it sounds like your T has left you a little in the dark on that one. BUT why not have a think about a purpose which might help you personally, doesn't have to matter about your T's.
For example you could use it to see how much of yourself you might actually be "hiding" from people. If they say you're.......but you're not necessarily then you might want to think how you could show them more of you, or why you don't want to show them more.......
Or you could use the positive comments to improve on the way you feel about yourself.
Or you could use it as an experiment in talking more openly to people about more personal things. For now use the exercise to help you, and hold onto the positive aspects you can find from doing it.
Best wishes
Alison
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There is a lot of positive and useful information in that thread (again haha). Certain parts I might question but that's the negativity and self doubt talking, so I'll need to reflect and possibly respond at another point.
Thank you very much though Alison
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinco14532323
Maybe it doesn't matter but I am confused about her purpose.
At first I thought she wanted you to get 3 positive characteristics and 1 constructive criticism. And this would help build confidence and also help to take criticism and to look at what truth there might be in that criticism.
Or maybe if you worry alot about how you perceive others think of you than you could ask directly and find out your perceptions are way off base. This is usually the case.
I guess now you are forced to look at what might be true about how others perceive you and if it something you want to change. I guess you have to look very deep and see what truth there might be in what they say and if you want to change it. This seems risky to me but maybe your therapist thought you were in a place to handle that.
Try to stand back outside yourself and look at it objectively like you are a third party when you are done. Like well maybe there is some truth on this one point but on this other point this guy is just way off base. Or that maybe that trait is just part of the front I put on and not really me but I am not ready to let go of that, it serves me.
Tough assignment you are very brave. I would guess you would get alot of positive traits as well. Look at those objectively as well. Like hey he is right and I really like that about myself.
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Thanks Zinco, like with Alison, I'm going to have to reflect on some points.
On those I highlighted... that's the thing. I do sometimes wonder how others see me... there is a part of me that will jump blind with both feet and get on with tasks that scare the crap out of me.
Key times in the past (while dealing with depression) have been arguing with a college professor on the phone to give me a place on an undergraduate course (I hadn't quite met the requirements)... and getting in.
And, getting a job in China... thousands of miles from home, irrespective of my massive periodic downs... knowing full well, I'd never get that kind of chance again.
So I don't see it as brave as such... I just have dogged determination that yanks me through certain situations.
Now, I think my T may have cottoned onto that... so she dangled the carrot on the stick.
That is also where my confliction of character lies... I am able to go balls deep/I suffer from depression.
It's very confusing to me... and at times very scary if I over extend.
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Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK