Thanks all. I had an epiphany reading your replies.

She wanted to meet my friend. I talked him up because he really is my best bud, for like 15 years. He's a "cool" dude, almost too cool, a trait me and most of my close friends have. She was always troubled by me being "aloof" early in our relationship, so I opened myself up which was very fulfilling. I'm inexperienced at relationships and never had a mom around as a kid; I'm distant for a long time with girls, always have been. I don't act this way to act like James Dean, I just don't know what's right usually, so I do nothing. She is the first one I opened up to and started to love.

Anyways, she did make one remark: "your friend was not what you said he was. He reminds me of your other friends. It's the company you keep, and who I'm afraid you really are. You two excluded me from conversations, like I wasn't there" I instilled doubt in her; I made her question who I was. I told her it was a function of me fraternizing with my old friend mixed with booze, but that it was still inexcusable and is absolutely not who I am. I'm a guy in his mid-20's coming to grips with a fleeting adolescence -- pathetic, I know.

She half-accepted the apology, and I replied that she could wait to decide if she wanted to accept, and she said she appreciated it and we could talk about it later and focus on dinner.

I vacated her life after effing up and she was still almost in tears at work. She's dissatisfied and overworked. I want to be the solution, but my vagary gave her one more thing to worried about. I don't think she trusts that I can be a rock in her life right now, although I have been so many times in the past. This is my 2nd screw up in a 6 month relationship.

I'm gonna let her cool. The ball is in her court and the last thing she needs is my pinging her. Maybe there's another dude, but I doubt it. For now I will focus on my own life and be ready to be a better man if and when she returns. I just regret that I couldn't have worked these relationship kinks out at a younger age.

She is in taxes, so she's gonna be working 7 day weeks nonstop for a month. If and when she finds some time, I'll be sure to make it worth hers and let her know I can change as a man.