So yesterday I was supposed to leave at 4 for DBT. Instead I got stuck at work and ended up not going. I was really pissed off and irritated b/c I had really wanted to go, plus I hadn't slept well the night before so I was very tired.
I texted my T that I was pissed and she said to call her. When I called her she told me I also had to come in to do a stress test and end of the study interview and that she wouldn't be able to see me on Wednesday the 26 which was supposed to be my last day b/c she the whole staff has all day training that she has to go to and we would have to reschedule my last day.
At this point I was so overwhelmed and exhausted that I hung up on her. Then I proceeded to take 1 Vicodin and 5 Klonopin, a beer, and 2 glasses of Prosecco. This is something I have not done in a very long time. Also, I have a very exhausting schedule: work 9-5, five days a week, then go do a 3 hour internship 3 nights a week, plus Experimental Psych class on Saturdays.
I woke up this AM and felt like sh***t and called in sick, which I have never done at this job. Then I called my T and told her what happened and asked if I could come in and do my stress test and interview today and meet with her for DBT since I had called in sick.

Well, it was actually a very productive, breakthrough session and made me sad that I will no longer be seeing her. She apologized for her role in making me so stressed out and said that she didn't care about the research aspect, she just wants me to be released soon b/c she knows how anxious I am to see my old T. We also decided that I would quit my internship b/c I have way too much going on and I am clearly getting burned out. She helped me draft the email and I sent it. I also came to the conclusion with her that if accepted, I would not go to grad school in the fall, since my job right now is taking off ( I have achieved full-time status and have full benefits and it seems they want to promote me to a broker). I want to enjoy working and making money and I need a break from school, since I have been taking classes my whole life (getting a Masters and the psych classes I have been taking as non-degree.)

I also ended up telling her some about my relationship with my dad and things that had happened when I was stripping. I never brought this up with her before b/c it didn't really have a place in our therapy and we were mostly focused on the present. Plus, I feel like it is something I have made peace with and I actually have a very good relationship with my parents and I don't feel like a stripper...I feel like that person is a million miles away. I feel like I talked about a lot of that with my old T.
She told me the reason she had never asked about my past was because when I first came in she was focused on getting me through the day to day b/c I was kind of in crisis mode and DBT deals with the present. I started to cry when I was talking about my dad and she handed me some tissues and told me I was a survivor. She also said that she doesn't want my old therapist to see me as I was 6 months ago and she asked me if I was concerned about that. I said that I am, because I don't want to rehash things that happened in the past that I've made peace with, and I do feel like a different person that I was 6 months ago and definitely when I was stripping or an adolescent and having problems with my dad. I am a young woman now living in NYC with a stable job and benefits and am on my way to being promoted. I am not the girl that first starting see my T almost 3 years ago with a binge eating disorder, and I don't want my old T to see that, or to see everything in the light of what she knows about my dad and stripping, b/c not everything I do is a reflection of that.

We have two sessions left, but my old T said that was sad I was leaving and hoped I would keep in touch.....I kind of feel sad that I am leaving her now because it was a really great session even though I felt physically kind of sh***y.