It does get better. I never ask 'why' now, because I'm fully engaged with my life now.
Takes some time, but what a journey.
I think back to 'who' I was before therapy, and feel I've been given a 2nd chance.
And what a chance it is.
Trying to figure out a narcissistic mother is like trying to teach a pig to sing.
Age & therapy has been my saviour.